I have a friend of mine who’s trapped within the confines of a miserable job. Allow me to clarify-- he’s working for a company well within his tenured career path, he’s just not challenged…at all.

He asked if I would assist him in drafting a letter of resignation to his manager.


 I did what any logical person in my position would do...I pretended that I didn’t hear his question. After repeating his plea, I finally asked…

Have you ever actually READ any of my juvenile silliness???


I don’t know the first thing about writing a letter of resignation-- the whole thing seems like a silly process if you ask me:


"...This letter serves as two weeks notice to terminate my employment with (company name) I value the experience and," blah, blah, BLAH.  

YUCK!!! 


What’s with all the formalities? Honestly, WHO talks like that??

Answer: NO ONE


Here's how I'D write one for myself...


 "Dear (manager name),

After numerous warnings, I am putting this company on notice. My love and passion for life and happiness supersede the necessity to make money to purchase things such as food, shelter, clothing and the occasional HOT girl Onlyfans subscription. 


This decision does not come easy, but I now know that being in this building and dealing with directors who live at the golf course and have never worked in the trenches a day in their lives has rendered me unable to attain an erection for my girlfriend.


As you can imagine, she is quite distraught as she really loves to have physical relations and I’d rather she do it with me rather than to seek satisfaction outside the boundaries of our committed relationship.


I, on the other hand, experience numerous forcible encounters each day in the office as Jonathan, the programming assignment genius, regularly bends me over a desk as though I have stolen something from him.


I hope this letter finds you well and I wish the best for everyone…except Jonathan. I hope he loses control of his effeminate little quasi car and careens from a 400-foot roadside cliff in the mountains.

Sincerely,

James 

P.S. I love you!"


Back to my friend and a draft of the letter that I figured to be best for he and his situation:


Dear (manager name),

   After years of dedication to a career that I love so dearly, I have decided to move on to a new and exciting chapter in my life.

The truth of the matter is that I find myself unbearably attracted to you.


I know we are of the same sex, and I’ve never really had a sexual longing for another man but, whenever you enter the room, the sweet smell of your natural man fragrance, with a hint of Dial Cool Ocean Mist™

body wash, simply makes it impossible for me to concentrate.


Sometimes I get so nervous around you that I have to sprint to the restroom to do number 2.**


**(I have a spastic colon)


I’ll miss the countless days when I would try to guess which tie you would wear to work and, when I guessed correctly, I was convinced that it was an omen…a sign that this would finally be the day. The day in which you would debonairly announce that you’ve left your wife and we could purchase a Toyota Tundra and run off to Vermont where we’d spend our days picking blueberries and planting peppers.

At any rate, I treasure my time with the company and I’ll never, ever, ever, EVER  forget about you.


Hopelessly yours,


  At the very least, my friend smiled when he   read my silliness, thus redirecting his mind to happier thoughts and bigger dreams. His wife isn't a fan of my writing, and I understand that.😆 

 

Feelings are real. They can be completely genuine in the moment they're spoken. But feelings that never convert into choices exist in a different category than commitment. He made the commitment to his feelings of worth. Bravo.


As far as his next move? I don’t know. I DID offer this piece of advice…I pointed out that people spend a majority of their lives at work…that’s a lot of time investment not to be happy. It’s not good for he or his employer.


I know three people who love their work but absolutely hate their workplace and I'll bet you do, too.

As long as it's not a doctor who's about to cut me open or my airline pilot, I'll feel a sense of relief.


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